Last month I was stricken down with the most horrible of diseases that has affected the human race. I am not talking about Covid, I am not talking about heart or kidney conditions, I am not talking about cancers or bone degeneration – I am talking about “MAN FLU”.
Yes, that dreaded condition that only seems to inflict itself on male members of the human species – a condition that strikes fear and trepidation even in the bravest of men, a condition that has caused strong men to become weak at the knees and has bought even tough men to tears. Now I know that the female readers of this column will be rolling their eyes and shrugging their shoulders and muttering comments like “For goodness sake – it is only a cold” or “Typical male – they get a little bit sick and next they think the world is coming to an end”.
How do I know that? Because I am married to a woman, and I work with a number of women and the majority of my clients are women and whenever I mention the deadly and debilitating disease called “Man Flu” all I get is the eye roll and some comment about “Men”.
Well ladies – I am here to tell you Man Flu is life threatening. It was during this painful condition when I was explaining to my wife how sick I felt and how I deserved a lot more sympathy that she was giving me – she made the comment “If you were a horse, they would shoot you and I can understand why!”
When my wife and I first got married (and that was a looong time ago) – I was unlucky to contract Man Flu and I learnt the “care factor” my newlywed partner had for this condition. I lay there on the bed slowly suffering and calling for help every few minutes when my wife appeared at the door with a bell (a “Care Bell” she called it) so that I could ring the bell every time I needed something. As soon as she left, I picked up the bell to ring it (I needed a new handkerchief and someone to wipe the sweat off my brow) and no matter how hard I shook it – there was no noise. I then turned over the bell to find the ringer was missing.
Since that episode I have learnt that women do not appreciate Man Flu – ladies I am here today to tell you that it is not JUST a Cold, but it is a life threatening condition that only seems to affect males.
The women of the world may get a Cold, the women of the world may get a sore throat and a cough, the women of the world may only get a runny nose and a sniffle.
BUT men get Man Flu, and we need lots and lots of sympathy and understanding.
Luckily, I survived my bout of Man Flu and am now back on track to a full recovery. By my reckoning if I can get my wife to clean the house, to wash my clothes, to bring me my food while I am snuggled into the chair in front of the television and react to my every whim – it will only take another few months to recover.
All I need now is to find that ringer for the Care Bell and all will be OK in my world.
Until next month – have a fantastic start to spring and hope everyone (including your animals) are fit and healthy.